Van Gogh's Soliloquy: A Pallet of Blue and Grey- A short story by Little Lottes' Angel

I'm enveloped in darkness. It swirls dismally around me plunging my soul farther into the deep cold void of despair. I await the day when my God will deliver me from this place, this hell I live in. I await in vain, for God has forsaken me. I know not what great sin i have committed that made Him withdraw His presence.  I am accompanied only by the voices in my mind. The very same mind that possessed my soul and turned my body against my will. And the torment, the agony of it! the voices whisper to me, tell me of days gone by days of beauty and insanity. My journey has been arduous, the road to long and steep, what has become of me? my soul yearns for life, and yet my heart would love to beat no more. I would try to obey the yearnings of my soul if the very soul wasn't a gift from He who has forsaken me. in order to triumph over the whispers of voices that only i can hear, i must do this. I Vincent, must destroy the flesh of my bones, the heart must cease to beat the mind fail to think. Only then can I really be free. The pulse begins to races, the draw opens revealing the pistol within. As i pick it up feeling its cold calculating surface, the voices let loose a wail of fear and anger. and then another stronger voice yells above them all "NOT YET VINCENT!!" The voice is right, there is one more thing i must do. The elation I'm  my bosom relinquishes its hold and the voice bubble down to a murmur, and impatient sorrow reigns. I must not give into it I need to pass this test. Despairs' black fire spreads throughout my body scourging my veins. I douse it with thoughts of my imminent victory: death. I keep the heat at bay by building walls around it. Suffocating it with memories of past triumphs and unbearable pain. More and more memories flow and soon the flames are quenched. I take out parchment and a writing utensil. Body shaking i write my story, the story of Van Gogh. My hands fly across the paper and soon it is finished. I look back a  the drawer and without even feeling my arm do so i grab it and bury it deep with in chest. I cry out as a  loud boom reverberates throughout the room. Pain, so much inescapable pain. I fall back through the air my last thoughts are of my brother, my family my failed career and my glorious splendour filled memories of ... The voices dying breaths overshadow my thoughts. The pain subsides there are no more regrets, no more sorrow only bliss remains. Bliss and blessed release. My vision blurs and my eyes lock on to the the balcony where i witness a starry night die and a new days dawn.

Inspired by: Starry, Starry Night by Don McLean